5 Reasons Online Dating Is So Hard
Why Online Dating Can Feel So Hard
It’s estimated that at least 10 percent of couples in a committed relationship met their partners online. This may not sound like a lot, but there are 63 million married couples in the U.S., and there are many more long-term relationships in which marriage wasn’t the chosen path. So, before we go further, let’s accept that dating apps are here to stay and can sometimes be quite effective.
Sure, plenty of folks use such apps to swipe their way to one-night stands, but plenty are looking for lasting connections. How successful these efforts will be is hard to say. A good first step is to better understand the ups and downs of online dating. At Bozeman Counseling Center, we often work with clients who feel burnt out by the dating app experience and who reach out to us for relationship therapy to try and reduce their dating anxieties.
5 Common Challenges of Online Dating
1. What and Who Are Real?
Between using old (or fake) photos and lying about age, height, weight, and marital status, it’s hard to know who you’re dealing with. Then you have the scammers. This is not fear-mongering because most people will keep it (mostly) honest. But it’s a factor.
2. Delete Culture
Since the advent of social media, it’s never been easier to “delete” someone. You can ghost, unfriend, block, and even report anyone you suddenly don’t want to interact with. In cases of trolling, stalking, and abuse, this is obviously a good thing. However, more often than not, potential dates just decide to vanish. It’s disconcerting and hurtful and can make anyone wary of trying.
3. So Many Options
In the past, you may have found someone you like at work, school, or in your neighborhood. Online, that dating pool is exponentially larger. It’s overwhelming and can skew our perception as to what we like.
4. Hook-up Culture
Even those who claim to be looking for “long-term dating” might be more predisposed to “casual sex.” If you’re the hook-up type, so be it. For those looking to make a more lasting connection, the focus on almost anonymous sex can become demoralizing.
5. Bots
At least 10 percent of dating app profiles are not humans. This is a low estimate and can make the entire process too daunting to enjoy.
A Few Reasons Why Online Dating Is Still Worth It
It’s Convenient: Rather than planning an outfit and a night out mingling, you can start the flirting process while lounging on your couch.
The Algorithms Often Work: Dating apps are trying to make connections. Therefore, their algorithms are designed to create matches with serious potential.
Information Up Front: You get to ask a lot of questions before venturing onto an awkward first date. By the time you decide to meet, you already know a fair amount about each other.
Getting Input: When you feel an online spark, you can show the profile to people you trust to get input before moving forward.
Whether you’re dating in a small town like Bozeman or just feeling overwhelmed by options, it can be hard to know where to start, but we have some ideas.
How to Make Online Dating Work for You
It starts with doing some homework about the different dating app options. From there, make your profile fully honest. This doesn’t stop others from exaggerating, but it helps the algorithm set up matches for you. When you decide to contact someone, you don’t have to conjure up an opening line on the spot. Online dating gives you a chance to fine-tune your initial approach.
That said, it’s always wise to be cautious when it comes to sharing personal information and intimate photos. In addition, should you decide to meet someone you’ve met online, let someone you trust know all the details in advance.
When to Consider Relationship Therapy
If you’ve been having trouble meeting someone you like, it’s not automatically due to dating apps. You might benefit from working with a therapist who can guide you to a more intentional and mindful approach to this experience. If online dating has left you feeling frustrated or anxious, relationship counseling at our Bozeman office may help you reconnect with your goals.
Contact Bozeman Counseling Center
You’re not alone — many of our clients in Bozeman feel overwhelmed by the process of finding meaningful connection and they say therapy helped them approach dating with more clarity and less stress. Relationship therapy can help you build confidence, clarify your values, and navigate dating with more intention.
And yes you can have a therapist for dating struggles! Learn more about relationship therapy at Bozeman Counseling Center or contact us today to schedule your first session.